First Christmas

Time for recovery! We just got home today from a 5-day holiday visiting spree. We began the trip at Craig's parents' in Grand Rapids, where we celebrated Christmas Eve. The next day, we drove down to Chicago to celebrate the holiday with my parents and sister. We stayed with my family for the next few days, including a jaunt 2 hours north to Milwaukee to visit my dad's side of the family.



So many wonderful memories of Elizabeth's first Christmas. On Craig's side, Elizabeth has 3 older cousins (ages 5, 4, and 1.5), so the holiday for this group was a chaotic blur of flung wrapping paper, laughter, some crankiness, and of course lots and lots of toys. Elizabeth held her own so well with the excited older kids. She mostly just crawled around the living room taking in the action. Her oldest cousins just couldn't wait for E. to attempt to open her gifts, so "helped" her by ripping off the paper themselves, but E. didn't seem to notice the paper anyway.
With my side, she's the only grandchild so was the center of attention. Again, though, the gift opening did not really capture her attention--in this case, because it was upstaged by Elizabeth's discovery of my parents' staircase. She's never been on our stairs, but there they stood, right by the living room where we were opening gifts. I let her scale that mountain to see how she'd do, and she sped up those stairs (with me close behind), met by our cheers. Goofy little monkey!

The next few days were jam-packed with visits. I had to shed my uptightness and go with the flow with wonky naptimes and late bedtimes, but Elizabeth (and I) went with the flow pretty well. We spent the 26th with my dad's side of the family, a pretty large group which included my cousin's son Brayden who is 3 months younger than Elizabeth. The two babies stole the show the entire evening, and shared some good playtime (although Elizabeth did yank toys from Brayden on more than one occasion). It was fun to share parent stories with my cousin and his wife. It really hit me that I'm getting old. I have been to so many Christmas celebrations in that very house with that very group of people, for years and years, and now that I have my own daughter I noticed a distinct generational shift. My grandparents have passed away, so now my parents and aunts and uncles have become a new generation, and Elizabeth and Brayden have replaced the place my cousins and I have held for so many years as "the kids." It's times like these that floor me--I am an ADULT!!
The last two days of our trip were filled with visits to my high school friends and their kids. We all have kids more or less around the same age, and there are 7 kids among us now, so it gives us a perfect reason to get together. I feel so blessed that my dear friends and I have managed to reconnect so often in the 12 years since we dispersed after high school...and the days of bowling and bars has morphed into playdates at our houses or in the play area at the mall. Yikes!

This is the blueprint for what my daughter's earliest Christmas memories will be. It touches me when I think of how similar our holidays were to what I experienced growing up. Like Elizabeth, I grew up in a family in which most of our relatives lived out of town, so every year we made an extended trip packed with visits. The highlight for me was always the Christmas free-for-all with my cousins; the worst was living rooms of my parents' friends, where I entertained myself while they talked about boring adult stuff.

But this will be distinctly Elizabeth's story. Someday she will look back on the photos from Christmas 2010, her first, in complete wonder.

PICTURED ABOVE: Elizabeth and her cousins; with Aunt Katy; two daddies--Craig and Elizabeth with my cousin Jeff and his son Brayden.

Santa Claus is coming to town...but he needs a coffee break

Clearly Elizabeth knows nothing about Santa Claus. The only character she vaguely seems to recognize is Elmo, but that's another story for another time. But, as it's Elizabeth's first Christmas and I tend to get hokey at times, I entered the holiday season bound and determined to get that first picture of her on Santa's lap!

I talked to a couple friends at work and they suggested the local Bass Pro Shop, where apparently the line is short and the photos are free. Bass Pro Shop is a half hour away from us, but last weekend we were up at our friends' Hanukkah party (I thought Elizabeth's first dreidel game followed by her first Santa visit would be pretty funny), which was in the neighborhood of the store--perfect! I dressed E. in one of her 3 Christmas dresses (thank you to the Grandmas!) and off we went.

Naturally, she fell asleep on the way to the store. Bass Pro Shop is part of a huge outlet mall, so I did shark circles through the parking lot for almost 20 minutes until I found a parking space. (At a mall on a Saturday afternoon in December...that was my first mistake.) I welcomed the nuisance, though, since it would give E. more time to nap. So I sat in the car and decided to wait out the nap...45 minutes and lots of NPR on the radio later, she finally stirred. I nursed her in the front seat, bundled her up, and walked us purposefully into the store. I was excited to see how this would turn out.

I walked towards the little Santa village in the store, only to find out that Santa was on break and would return at 5. It was 3:45. I was pretty bummed, more so over the huge amount of time I had just wasted. Oh well.

The following Friday, I was unexpectedly home from work in the afternoon because Elizabeth had a stomach bug, having had her first puking experience the night before, poor baby. She seemed to be feeling like her old self, though, with no fever, so on an impulse I decided to take us to the mall to attempt to see Santa. (A different mall in a completely different part of town.) I needed to go to Penneys anyway, and I figured we were just close enough to school dismissal time that it wouldn't be too busy yet.

Again, my daughter fell asleep in the car. This time I was prepared with a couple magazines, and she still slept about 45 minutes. I loaded her into the stroller and off we went. I bought a pretzel because I was starving and gave her a chunk to nibble on. Okay, ready!

There was a pleasantly short line in front of the Chronicles of Narnia-themed snowy village. Yay! An older gentleman (thankfully not dressed like an elf) was patrolling the line, telling us that Santa would be leaving at 5 for an hour-long break. It was 4:30. The man told us at the end of the line that we'd probably not get in, but might as well wait just in case. The earnest dad in front of me, surrounded by several gleeful kids, pleaded to the man "But we came all the way from Minnesota to see him." Okay, seriously?

I tried to remain patient, enjoying the sight of my daughter in her adorable plaid jumper (that was mine!) and red tights as she gazed wide-eyed at her surroundings. She played with her Elmo doll and I managed to feed her a jar of baby food as we waited. I chatted with the woman behind me who stood with her 7-year-old son.

5:00. The gentleman reappeared and roped off the line right in front of the family in front of me. A maintenance guy appeared and started to vacuum the Narnia village. I'm generally not an assertive person in the least, but darn it, I was here and my daughter was awake and happy and adorable! I asked the gentleman if we could get just a QUICK picture with Santa, seeing as Elizabeth was the only child in the entire line not old enough to want to talk to him and give him her Christmas list. He told me to ask the manager. I hauled Elizabeth across the village to plead my case with the manager, again posing my reasonable argument (much more reasonable than coming from Minnesota, which clearly doesn't have any Santas in their malls). "If I let you in, I'd have to let everyone in," he said apologetically. Okay. Fine.

The trip wasn't a total wash because I got to Penneys to order my family room blinds, but darn it, my daughter is going to see Santa and he's NOT going to take any more breaks!! A friend tipped me about a local hardware store. I think that's my next bet. Besides, the mall pictures cost $20!


Above: Third time is a charm! Elizabeth and Santa at Bass Pro Shop on December 18. A 2 minute wait and no tears! Perfect!!!

Double digits!!!

SHAME ON MOMMY. She missed my 9 month birthday! Grr. Okay, well, coming here for my 10 month is better than nothing!

I am 10 months old and loving life! I am full of energy, spunk, and joy. I weigh about 15 pounds, still a peanut, but crawling like a champ and pulling myself up on every surface I can find. Mommy bought me some shoes that keep falling off. Mommy thinks that maybe this is a good thing, since it will delay the inevitable next step--WALKING!

Here is what I love right now:

Eating: I love tiny pieces I can pick up with my fingers. Rice, shredded cheese, peas. I am a carb fiend! Besides rice, I love pasta, saltines, Ritz crackers, and bread. I love my cup, too. I'm getting pretty good at drinking out of it! Even though I'm getting to be a big girl with my food, I still love to cuddle up to Mommy and eat like I used to when I was very little. Mommy is so sad that we will be doing this for only a couple more months.

DADDY!!! My face breaks into a grin whenever he comes into the room. We are best buddies.

Jumping! My Jumperoo is the best! Even better was the Jolly Jumper at Grandma P's house that hung in the doorway--not only did i get to jump, I got to spin! I even jump when someone is holding me!

Toys! My blocks are fun because I get to knock them over when someone stacks them. Anything small, that fits neatly into my hand, is a favorite--my little plastic sea creatures for the bathtub, the little Lego guy I swiped from Grandma P's house, my little stuffed Elmo I got from Daniel's birthday party. And of course, things that aren't really toys--measuring cups, spoons, Mommy's glasses! Especially Mommy's glasses, much to her dismay.

Playing with my friends at daycare! The big kids like to make me laugh and sometimes even give me kisses. Thomas and I cruise all around and get into mischief.

Splashing like crazy in my baby bathtub, and trying to eat the soap!

Throwing things while I eat. Mommy is trying desperately to discourage this. He he, you should see the floor and walls around my highchair!

Here is what I DON'T like these days:

The big bathtub. Even though I love my Elizabeth-sized tub, the big bathtub freaks me out. Mommy just dumped me in it a few weeks ago to see what I would do. Hello?? Of course I was terrified! i screamed and screamed as Mommy scrambled to get me clean. Tonight, Mommy put my little bathtub inside the big bathtub. It was marginally better. Hmph. I still cried, a little.

Getting teeth. I've been very behind on my teething, and I'm just now getting my first 3 teeth--all at the same time! No fair!!

Diaper and clothes changes. Especially when Mommy dares to put me on the changing table! Who am I kidding--that hasn't happened for weeks ;)

That goofy sleep sack Mommy wraps me in to sleep at night. At least she finally bought me one that fit--silly Mommy had me in the one the hospital gave me when I was born! Duh!!! But, don't tell Mommy, I think the sleep sack DOES help me sleep. I've been giving Mommy a break for the last several weeks--only waking up once a night, tops. Mommy is thrilled :)

Okay, Mommy, the holidays are here, and soon after, my birthday. Don't you dare get so behind in the blogging during this period!

Aaaahhhhh!!! Where have I been?

Yikes...so where HAVE I been?

At work, sitting in meeting after meeting or testing an adorable rugrat...or just barely making it to work, running out the door with bags and more bags and a bundled-up baby...folding mountains of laundry...scrubbing the kitchen walls and cabinets of flung baby food...visiting relatives for Thanksgiving...

No excuses. I've been spending WAY too much of the little free time I do have completely wasting time. I need to concentrate on documenting my daughter's rapidly-speeding little life. I was ready for bed, exhausted after the long holiday weekend, and then, ridden with guilt, I forced myself to sit at the computer at 11 PM on Saturday night. Okay, go!

Things are still pretty crazy around here, now that I am back at work, but every day gets easier and I think we all get more and more into the groove.

It's hard to stay stressed, though, because our Peanut has just exploded with personality and amazement. She is such a miracle to behold, and my heart just sings every time I see her.

First, she's movin' and groovin'! The crawling appeared pretty suddenly, a couple weeks ago. As summer wound down, Elizabeth would "assume the position" whenever I placed her on her tummy, but would soon get ticked and cry until I rescued her. Then, she started scooting backwards. Then, all of a sudden, one day she was scooting her little back end behind her as she lunged forward on her arms, getting gradually more and more coordinated until now, when she is officially crawling. That girl can cover a lot of ground--we'd better watch out!! Babyproofing needs to begin in earnest. She is such a joy to behold as she buzzes along the floors. I can tell how proud she is of herself. She knows she is on an exciting adventure and she just can't wait to see what will be around each new corner. (I just need to keep my floors clean...darn dog hair...)
She has become the little scientist, constantly experimenting with her surroundings. Her latest favorite method of exploring her environment is banging anything together that she can find--a pot and spoon (a wonderful kitchen amusement when she hangs out while I cook), toys against one another, her own little spoon against the high chair try, sometimes objects against her head--really :) She focuses on the tiniest details of things. Like spinning little parts on her toys, or poking at the spout on her sippy cup--all the while looking completely and utterly enthralled.
She is SO busy and excited these days that often she refuses to slow down. This past weekend, the girl took a grand total of an hour of naps on Saturday, and a HALF HOUR on Sunday. It was ridiculous--she just would not settle down. Also within the last couple weeks, for the first time in her entire 8 months of life she occasionally refuses to nurse. Many times lately when I put her in position, she starts screaming and writhing. Interestingly, this has only happened on weekends. My peanut has gotten wise to the fact that weekends are her time with Mommy and Daddy--and darned if she'll stop for even 5 minutes to eat!

As cheesy as it sounds, the more Elizabeth interacts with her world and shows her delight in it, the more I fall in love with her. This little person who started out as a helpless infant who slept and ate, has turned into an enormous personality for all her little 14 and some pounds. She is beyond incredible. We can't get enough.

8 is great!

These months are flying by! Here I am again on another birthday!

It's been a busy month since I hit 7. We visited my Grandma and Grandpa Schneider, and my Great-Grandma O, in Illinois. Then we went to a reunion with my Phillips side, where I met my 6 great-aunts and LOTS of second cousins and cousins-once-removed or something like that. Then Grandma and Grandpa S. and Aunt Katy came to MY house. Today I went to my "first" birthday part for my friend Daniel! Oh yeah, and I'm back at daycare, too. I missed my pal Thomas! Yikes. 7 months was pretty exhausting, but I'm sure ready for 8!

I love to:
EAT. Although I still need to gain much, much more weight. More to come from Mommy in her next post.
SPIT my food out, too. Usually when it's orange and Mommy is wearing white.
Take a bath! Mommy has dumped all my tubby toys in, finally! It's fun to try to catch them when they float away.
Play with the doggie! I LOVE to watch him run to catch his Frisbee. He even sometimes lets me "throw" something to him, too.
Try to move! I'm getting there! Today I scooted all along the bottom of the coffee table.

I'm not a fan of:
Getting my diaper changed or getting dressed. Please, I have WAY too much to do to bother with being pinned down.
Sleeping long stretches. Oh, Mommy--sucks to be you! ;)

I'm learning new tricks every day. I still "squish" on occasion. Today I found what a funny noise I make when I slap my arm against my mouth while I talk. I like to make the "babababa" sound now too. Oh, and now Mommy calls me a "Drama Queen" when I get upset--I make a sad face and go "eh eh eh." Yeah, I probably am hamming it up a bit ;)

8 is great! I'm sending a subliminal message to Mommy to get her silly self in bed because I will be waking up soon, to be sure.

Balancing...again.

I have been pretty delinquent lately about keeping up with this blog. 3 weeks ago I returned to work for another school year. It was a glorious summer--Elizabeth and I got to know each other so well! And just when I felt we were getting on a pretty good schedule, everything changed when I went back to work.

I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I do enjoy my job--even now, when pretty much every day has been CRAZY. Our middle school absorbed many students from a recently closed school, we inherited two new high-needs classrooms, and referrals for special ed evaluations are already coming out of the woodwork...BUT, I thrive on the hectic pace and the days go quickly.

It's too much, though. I feel I hardly get enough time with Elizabeth. Things might improve once our weekends quiet down; every weekend since I went back to work has been packed with family events and/or traveling.

And on the homefront...oy. My boss has an analogy she likes to share with us about the crazy multi-tasking nature of our jobs: It's like we are juggling many balls, some are plastic, some are glass. We have to make sure we don't drop the glass balls. I'm definitely juggling over here, and fortunately haven't shattered any glass balls yet...I did double-book myself for 2 doctors' appointments tomorrow, so Oops there, but easily fixable :) My house constantly looks like a bomb went off, and it's taken me 4 days to get laundry put away.

I need to center myself and focus on what is truly important. I ache with guilt that I take so many fewer pictures of E. these days...and what I have taken, it takes me eons to get them loaded on the computer, much less Facebook, much less this blog! And my sleep is seriously being sacrificed. Every night I tell myself I WILL be in bed by 9...and here I am, well past 10, blogging away. Elizabeth wakes up at least twice a night (sigh, another post for another time), so I'm running on fumes. I'm fighting my second cold in 3 weeks. Sheesh.

So...we're all adjusting to the new routine, and it WILL be okay. I try to make the verse from Philippians my mantra: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything through prayer and supplication make your requests be made known to God." I can do this. We will do this. Elizabeth is happy, healthy, and well-cared for each day. Right now, that's all we need to get by.

The big 7

I'm in the second half of my first year! Mommy and Daddy can't believe it!

At 7 months, here are my favorite things to do:
*Eat! I love trying new foods. My favorites are apples, pears, carrots, squash, and just plain oatmeal. Peas? Eh.
*Take a bath! Remember back when I was very little, I wasn't so sure about it? Now, I think it's just great. I'm still in my baby tub, which sits on the bathroom counter, and Mommy wonders how long that will last before I get too wiggly. I can see myself in the mirror from my seat in the tub. I think that's the greatest thing--I love to smile at my cute self! Splashing is a ton of fun, too! Mommy needs to break out the bubble bath next.
*Take walks in the Baby Bjorn--still. Mommy dreads the day I get too big!
*See other babies! My friend Aaron came over (we are born 2 days apart, although he's gigantic compared to me); our mommies sat us on the floor and we couldn't stop staring at each other. I got tired of him, though, when he got in my space and stole my toys!
*Blow raspberries! Especially when I eat something very colorful, like carrots. Mommy needs to wear a bib, too, when she feeds me. Or maybe a poncho.
*Talk, talk, talk. My favorite sounds are "mamamama" and "dadadada." Mommy and Daddy are trying to get me to say them to the right person!

Not so much:
*Sleeping longer than 3 hours at a time. He he he.
*Getting my diaper changed or dressed. How I HATE lying still for Mommy! I scream, arch my back, and try to propel myself off the changing table. Fun times.
*Getting in my carseat. At least once I'm in the car, I'm pretty okay.

Go 7!!!

Calorie Fest!

Elizabeth has been a peanut since Day One, when she was born at 6 pounds 2 ounces. At all of her weigh-ins at the pediatrician since, she has been in the lowest percentiles, but always following her curve.

At her six month appointment last month, she was falling a bit off her curve, so I was told to bring her back in one month for a weigh-in. That was last week. The peanut was even more peanutty than I had thought; she'd only gained 5 ounces in one month. Yikes! What had happened: When I started giving her solid foods, it just wasn't enough. I had followed the advice of Dr. Sears (who gives somewhat "earthy" advice; my sister-in-law follows him and she's raising three healthy kids), among which tidbits were that babies did not really *need* solids until 6 months, and that when they did, a fist-sized amount of food was enough for tiny tummies. Also, Elizabeth's cousins have a history of food allergies (although we think it's on their other side of the family), another reason I wanted to delay.

Anyway, despite all my good intentions, Peanut just wasn't getting enough calories, between the small amounts of solids and what has probably been low breast milk production. I was told to really pile on the calories! So, over the last week I've added an extra feeding of solids into her day, and do NOT stop feeding her them until she's clearly done. I add some formula in between breastfeedings, too. And today we went for her weigh in and she had gained 7 ounces in a week--more than she had in the last month!

Part of me feels really guilty that my poor baby was so hungry. I'd had no idea; she's a very happy kid, and has been meeting her milestones well (she sits like a champ!). For all my good intentions at introducing foods, it just wasn't right for E. I guess that's what parenting will be like for the next 18 years (see my previous post called "The Great Experiment"!). But I'm shaking off the worry and just having fun feeding her--it's pretty entertaining for both of us! She loves her pears, applesauce, bananas, carrots, and prunes (have yet to introduce the "grosser" veggies, like peas...) She gets a kick out of "Puffs", the baby cereal that helps her practice using her pincer grasp to self-feed. (And I get a kick out of finding the random Puff that hasn't made it into her mouth...stuck to her legs, or inside her diaper!) Best of all, the insanely crappy sleep patterns of the last several weeks (literally awakening 2-3 times a night) have subsided into one wakeup, when I go in to feed her. Bliss!!! (I'd better not speak too soon...)

The Traveling Baby

It's been a busy summer!

A few posts ago I documented our big multi-state tour of western Michigan, Wisconsin, and Illinois. At the end of July we were on the road again. Craig had a conference up on Mackinac Island. The two of us had used the conference as a vacation for a couple of past summers, mainly because we got to stay at the famous and elegant Grand Hotel! We decided to do the same thing this year, thinking it would be an easy trip to take with a baby.

It was a wonderful few days. As we've learned, with traveling we need to be flexible and creative, and we were--like changing a very messy diaper on the floor of the ferry that took us from the mainland to the island, and pushing Elizabeth endlessly around the island in her stroller because she refused to nap. My parents came up to the island to see us, and were a big help one evening when they watched Elizabeth so Craig and I could enjoy a nice dinner in the hotel dining room.

We decided to extend our trip a bit by going a little further north and exploring some of the Upper Peninsula. We had a great time with all thing Up North: driving across the famous "Mighty Mac" bridge, visiting the Soo Locks in Sault Ste. Marie, seeing Tahquannemon Falls. Other than some very less-than-stellar nights of sleep, Elizabeth did great.

Pictured: Who needs a nap on Mackinac Island?, hanging out on the famous porch of the Grand Hotel, making the "squish face" under the very end of the Lower Peninsula side of Mackinac Bridge.




A few weeks later E. and I were on the road again, headed out to Holland (my college town) for my annual girls' weekend with my college girlfriends Rachel, Rachel, and Emily. We all spent the weekend in Emily's in-laws' summer trailer on Lake Macatawa, enjoying all the delights of ice cream, art fairs, strolling my college campus, and swimming. Elizabeth got IN a pool for the first time at Rachel's parents' house, sitting inside a baby inner tube. I think she liked it!

That weekend was rough in that she had one horrible night's sleep...in the trailer she slept in her Pack and Play in a back room, with me on the living room sofa at the front of the trailer. She literally woke up every hour. Not wanting to bother my friends, at 3 AM I took her into the living room with me, thinking maybe we could sleep together on a blanket on the floor. Well, she thought that was pretty hilarious, and lay there on the floor grinning at me and reaching for my face. Time for Plan B! I fed her and we went back to the tiny back room where her Pack and Play was. She protested so much about the PNP that, in desperation, I spread a blanket on the floor of THAT room and let us lay side by side. She fell asleep...I was curled in the fetal position because there was no room for me to stretch out all the way. I got two more hours of sleep :) Praise God, the following night was MUCH better.

We're off again next week for another visit to Illinois to see my family. I'll admit it's tough schlepping around all the time, but that's the life we chose when we set up home away from our families and close friends. So far, Elizabeth has been a champ. I do look forward, though, to a quieter fall!

Happy half birthday to meee!

HOW DID I GET TO BE SIX MONTHS OLD?!!

I weigh 12 lbs, 5 oz and am 25 inches long. I'm only in the 2nd percentile for weight, but 38th for length! I think I have Dad's lanky body type. Surprisingly, I do fit in my 6 month clothes--Mommy was worried I wouldn't. I got so many adorable cute summertime clothes as gifts before I was born, and they do indeed fit me during this hot, sticky summer!
I am full of personality these days. My favorite thing to do these days is "squish." Some people would call it "smile," but Mom and Dad call it "squish" because of how I scrunch my eyes, nose, and cheeks up when I'm happy. I "squished" beautifully for my 6 month old pictures, taken yesterday. Mommy was worried that I'd cry like I did at 3 months and not make it through all the poses. Silly Mommy! I'm worlds away from where I was 3 months ago!

My world has been full of newness. First, food! A few weeks ago I started eating oatmeal. Somedays I like it, other days I'm not so sure, but I do like the spoons that are just for me. Yesterday Mommy mashed up a banana and added it to my cereal. And tonight I got a really delicious treat--a "puff", special baby cereal! Mmm, that was delish!
I'm also a pro at rolling over. My favorite place to do this is my crib, naturally! For some reason I get REALLY ticked if I land on my stomach. Oh, and the sleeping...I'm still giving Mommy a rough time ;). Mommy tries to let me "cry it out" when I wake up, and to Mommy's delight, I often turn it into "scream it out"!

Perhaps the biggest news is that I can sit!!! For just a few minutes at a time, but I've become a strong girl! I like to sit and reach for my toys.

I can't wait to see what the next 6 months will bring!

Hands

Obviously I've noticed Elizabeth's hands since the day she was born. I marveled over whose hands they were (they certainly weren't *mine*--right away I could see that she will have long fingers and shapely nails, unlike my own short, stubby ones), and how she could grab my finger without even realizing what she was doing.

It was enthralling to me and Craig when, at about 3 months old, Elizabeth suddenly realized that she HAD hands. Craig put it best when he described her process in learning how to reach out and grab things--he said he could practically see the millions of neurons firing. We delighted over how it was a series of microsteps; how a little bit more each week Elizabeth could coordinate her arms, and eventually her hands, in the direction of something she wanted.

Now, at 5 and a half months old, Elizabeth's hands have developed a personality of their own. They have become her primary method of exploring the world. Textures and objects are what fascinate her right now. A couple weeks ago I noticed that she could finally get a teething toy into her mouth. Now all of a sudden, nothing is safe from Miss Grabby Hands. She grabs my hair. She pulls Craig's glasses off his face and won't let them go. She reaches for my orange juice glass at breakfast and knocks it over. She swipes a cereal bowl of leftover milk off the kitchen counter and onto the floor. Yesterday I suffered my first Elizabeth-inflicted injury when she poked me in the eye and scratched my cornea--ouch!!!

Her hands sometimes calm down from the aggressive grabby-ness, and just take in her surroundings. When we were on our vacation and she slept in her Pack and Play, she put herself to sleep scratching its slippery fabric with her fingernails. She pets terrycloth bibs and washcloths. She delights when I take her to a nearby fir tree or bush, and I tickle the soft scratchy needles across her palm. She even enjoyed taking in textures through her bare feet, when she happily stepped them across a pile of wire hangers as we hung out together on my bed.

So all of a sudden, Craig and I learned we will have to be careful! We need to now become vigilant about eliminating nearby small objects. I figure I won't be able to wear long earrings for the next little while. I can no longer hold her in my lap as I eat, since nothing is safe! She is certainly not going to be near our dog, whose tail or ears she could pull.

Watching this baby take in the world around her through her different senses is such a delight!

Weekend adventure!

Well, we did it! We survived our first big trip with a baby. Elizabeth was a trooper. I'm so proud of her!

Our gradual journey west began last Thursday afternoon when we drove out to Grand Haven, a beautiful town on the coast of Lake Michigan. Craig's parents have a trailer that they had set up at the state park. Elizabeth was delighted to get out of the car (only a 2.5 hour drive) and was ready to take in the sights. We all walked the pier at the entrance to the harbor, with Elizabeth bouncing along with us in the Baby Bjorn. Craig sat her in the sand a few times for pictures, and she wasn't sure what to think about that new texture!
We set the Pack 'n' Play up in the trailer, and Elizabeth put herself to sleep babbling delightedly at the ceiling, which for some reason enthralled her. She slept beautifully, and the next morning she joined us in our little trailer bed and she and I did what we should do on vacation--napped together.

Too much excitement on the new day--she wouldn't take her morning nap and was a bit fussy, but I was determined to get her down to the beach for the first time. Grandma Phillips and I took E. down to the water, placed her little tootsies in the damp sand and held her as the waves washed over her feet. I think she liked it!
Then our little family headed north to the town of Ludington for the biggest part of our adventure--taking the SS Badger, a steam powered car ferry, across Lake Michigan. Poor E. was exhausted (had only grabbed a couple cat naps) and was screaming bloody murder when we arrived to park our car, but quieted when we toted her up the steps to the big ship in her carseat. We spent a little extra money to spring for a state room on the boat so that we could have a private place to rest for the four hour journey. After touring the deck and watching the sun set, the three of us hunkered down in our little room where we all were able to grab a little shut eye.

A good thing, because the ship docked in Manitowoc, Wisconsin, at 12:30 AM. Exhausted, we made it to our hotel room and set up for the night. Fortunately Elizabeth slept quite well again.

The next morning, Saturday, we took a long walk along the pier in Manitowoc after breakfast to watch the boats and see the lighthouse. Then we were off on our next leg--a journey about 3 hours to the west, to the city of Wisconsin Rapids where we would attend the wedding of my cousin Kevin and his fiancee Megan. This leg coincided beautifully with Elizabeth's morning nap, so Craig and I enjoyed a peaceful drive through the Wisconsin countryside. We met up with my parents, who had also just arrived in town for the wedding, for a picnic lunch at a nearby park. Grandma and Grandpa Schneider were more than ready to take E. off of our hands for a bit.

Back at another hotel, and I scrambled to get ready for the wedding while Craig stayed behind with Elizabeth. It was wonderful to see my cousin Kevin (who I still think of as a stocky 4-year-old with a spiky blond mullet) marry a delightful girl, and I had a great reunion with my other cousins who had made it to town (coming from as far away as Connecticut, Arizona, and Hawaii--crazy!).

Back at the hotel room I dressed E. in one of her darling new dresses, and the 3 of us headed to the reception. Again, my parents were delighted to spirit Elizabeth away as much as they could, and Craig and I enjoyed our dinner. We left after only a few hours because all 3 of us were exhausted.
Sunday was the big day. We'd debated about the many ways to go home (go south or go north? try to do it all in one day or spend the night at my parents' outside of Chicago?), and finally decided to take the plunge and drive all the way home in one day--a big 4-state schlep. All in all, it went beautifully. We had to be creative and flexible, like when we stopped at a Walmart in Rockford, Illinois for one of our breaks, because it was rainy and the malls weren't open yet (but that was fun for E.--we spent time in the toy aisle!)...or when we got stuck in horrible traffic right outside of Chicago, and Elizabeth was screaming at the top of her lungs--Craig and I sang nursery rhymes to her in silly voices, over and over again, to get her to quiet. We felt fortunate that Craig's sister Wendy and her family live directly on our route home, so we got to spend some substantial, quality play time at her house. By the last leg of our journey Elizabeth was not thrilled to go back in the carseat, but she made it...we made it...we thank God for keeping us safe on so many roads.

Just thinking about the weekend, in retrospect, kind of exhausts me. But I'm so proud of how flexible, creative, and patient we were on our first big trip with a baby, and even more proud of Elizabeth for being such a take-it-in-stride baby. This trip was a very successful litmus test. We plan to go up to Mackinac Island in late July, which right now seems like small potatoes compared to this journey--let's hope for the best!

Now I am 5! (months)

Holy cow, another birthday?? It's a good thing I don't eat solids yet, or I would be demanding cake--these birthdays happen all the time!!

Life has been a whirlwind lately! It's much warmer outside now than when I was born, and I've learned I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to be outside. Here are some other things I love to do:

Stand in the grass (with Mommy's help)--love how it feels on my toes!
Practice sitting. Just today Mommy noticed how good I'm getting at this! Today I was like a weeble-wobble--I was able to right myself every time I started tipping. I'm working my core!
Ride on Mommy in the Baby Bjorn. I just love seeing everything Mommy sees. And Mommy's happy because this makes her life a LOT easier.
Play the "monster" game with Mommy--she pretends to bite different parts of my body--this is so far the only thing that makes me laugh!
The swimming pool! Our neighbor has a pool and Mommy and Daddy took me for the first time last weekend! I only put my feet in, but...wow. Incredible!
"Talk." I'm learning to make lots of different sounds!
Practice rolling over...unfortunately my favorite place to do this is my crib. So when Mommy puts me down for a nap or bedtime, I practice and usually end up getting my arm caught underneath me, which makes me really really mad!

I will soon be taking my first big trip, to Wisconsin. I will meet a lot of relatives, go to another wedding (that's old hat for me--I've already been to one!), and ride a big boat called a ferry. Hmm, let's see what tricks I have up my sleeve to make the trip as interesting as possible for Mommy and Daddy...

Just because!

Here is one of my favorite pictures of my beautiful babe. It's funny how, as time goes on, less and less I think of her as "looking like Craig" or "looking like me" (I actually don't see any of myself in her face at all). Now, I think she just looks like Elizabeth Audrey!

The Great Experiment

I am coming to learn that raising a baby is one giant experiment! Whenever we hit a snag, it's all about playing with different variables to figure out what works.

Our latest snag is a seriously crappy sleeping schedule, mentioned in the last post. For the last month, Elizabeth has awaken during the night at least once, usually twice, between her usual go-down at 8:30 and get-up at 5:30ish. It has been rough. Wonder Week 19, perhaps, but I think I've also created a bad habit. After each wakeup I go in and feed her--instead of what I should try, which is soothing her without feeding and even waiting several minutes to see if she will cry herself back to sleep. I guess my impatience has done me in, and when that telltale wail drifts from the next room at 2:30 AM and I stumble blindly towards my daughter, all I want more than anything in the world is to be back in bed, and I know that feeding her is the only thing that will quiet her down.

So that's one part of the experiment I'm still playing with. It's hard to play scientist during those bleary, can't-move-my-bones-out-of-bed-one-more-time moments, so it's been challenging.

Tonight I played with a more significant variable. After doing some research, I wanted to see if a little formula added to the usual nighttime nursing would fill up E. enough to sleep for longer stretches. (We're going to wait a couple weeks to start cereal, which is also purported to help babies sleep longer at night.) So tonight, I popped open my free sample of Similac for the first time and mixed it up with some thawed frozen milk, heated it up, and took it upstairs with us for the pre-bedtime feed. I nursed Elizabeth for a while first, then tried the bottle. She SUCKED it down, literally without coming up for air. She even nursed again after finishing the bottle!

Okay, we might have something here. I'm praying that sleep sustains her more tonight. And if she does wake up wailing, I'm at least going to try to delay the second feeding--we'll see how that goes.

Time to go check on my sweet sleeping science experiment :) Until next time!

"Wonder Weeks"

I recently learned about something called the "Wonder Weeks." According to this website, "research has shown that your baby makes eight major, predictable, age-linked changes during the first year." And during those eight big leaps, baby's personality apparently changes temporarily--because they are so interested in discovering their new world. Among patterns that change because baby is going through this big leap? Sleep!

I was kind of relieved to learn about the Wonder Weeks, because Elizabeth, at 19 weeks, is apparently in the middle of one, and it explains a lot. On the positive side, she's just about hitting a big milestone--rolling over! She can roll from tummy to back, and is working on back to tummy. We put her in her crib, and if she's awake, she "practices"! The fun stops when her arm gets caught under her--she's not sure what to do with that, and then gets ticked. However, Craig checked on her in the crib the other day while she was down for a nap, and found her on her tummy! That little sneak must have rolled over on the sly, with no one to see her! We are eagerly awaiting viewing it ourselves. In related news, Elizabeth finally tolerates tummy time and probably even LIKES it--because she can now raise her head high enough to see the world!

Anyway, the downside of this Wonder Week is a newly-crappy sleep schedule. For the last couple weeks, more nights than not, her sleeping is like a newborn's--up every 2 to 3 hours! I've been playing around with whether or not to feed her or just comfort her; I'm a bit paranoid about her weight, so I often just feed her in the middle of the night when she rouses, although I'm probably starting a bad habit. And consequently I'm a zombie--I got spacey and started nodding off in front of my computer at work last week, and this morning I almost started nodding off IN THE CAR. Yikes! The good news is, is that I only have 2 more weeks of work before a glorious break for summer.

Despite how frustrating this Wonder Week is, we just love watching our daughter absorb the world like a sponge. She is amazing in what she is learning and how she is changing.

Another birthday...

I'm 4 months old today!

Mommy can't believe where the last month went. She doesn't think I've changed much since my last birthday. BUT, Aunt Katy and Grandpa Schneider visited me last week after not seeing me for a month. And they couldn't believe how big I am!

These days my little gums are sore. I drool ALL the time and just love to chew on my hands. Mommy gives me teething toys but my hands aren't quite ready to grab the toys and put them in my mouth, so right now my hands have to do--or sometimes my shirt; that's easy to grab and shove in my mouth! I'm usually soaking wet!

I love day care! I have many friends there. I love to watch the big kids play and I spend a lot of time with my buddy Thomas. We both hate tummy time. Mommy hears that we both scream when we're down on our tummies, even when we're facing each other. There's just WAY too much going on and we don't want to miss anything!

Yesterday was VERY exciting because I sat in my exersaucer for the first time! I'm still pretty teeny for it, but Mommy put a blanket behind me and Daddy put a stack of books under my feet :) There's a LOT going on, it's like a baby casino!

I'm putting up a bit of a fight with my crib. I LOVE sleeping in my comfy Little Lamb swing, but the other day Mommy put me in my crib. I fell asleep in it on my own, but I hate it! I've only made it one full night. Oh yeah...that's my funny little joke on Mommy. I no longer sleep through the night, mwa-ha-ha!!! Mommy can count on stumbling sleepily into the room around 2:30. It's my poor little gummies.

It's a big week for me--tomorrow I go to my 4 month checkup and find out how much I weigh! Then this weekend I get to visit my cousins and both of my grandparents! I will also meet some baby friends!

Life just keeps getting more and more fun!

This morning as I eased my car up the pot-holed under-construction main drag, in a dreary chilly drizzle more appropriate for November than May, my brain still reeling from the usual pre-work chaos, I felt exhausted and sad.

Most work days are just fine. I truly enjoy "sharing" Elizabeth with her day care...I can't quite explain it. And work is going well, too. But today seemed endless. I was itchy to go home and unfortunately had an assessment scheduled for the end of the day, and it ended up being delayed by about an hour so I didn't get to Elizabeth until almost 5:00.

Post-bedtimes are always the craziest times of the day, sometimes more so than the mornings. Every night I wash the bottles I pumped into during the day, and usually the rest of the dishes are waiting for me too. (Despite how exhausted I might be, I always do the dishes and clean up the kitchen each night, to maintain some pocket of sanity in the house.) I make her bottles and our lunches for the next day. Sometimes there's laundry to fold or put away. At times I pump one more time before I go to bed, too.

And what's getting lost in the chaos of the days? Exercise, and more seriously, sleep. Here I am right now, in fact, at 10:15 PM, totally beat but trying to eek out just a little alone time to keep up with this blog when I should have made myself get to bed a half hour ago.

Will I ever get our disastrous home office in order? Or our basement? How about my hobbies, writing and scrapbooking?

I keep thinking about the story in the Bible, about Jesus feeding the 5,000 starving people with two fish and five loaves of bread. By the grace of God, the resources were stretched to provide. God's grace is providing for me, too, in that I haven't yet lost my sanity. Little gifts here and there, like if Elizabeth takes a catnap after dinner so I can clean up at 7:00 instead of at 9:30 when I'm falling over on my feet. Like earlier this week when I got home a bit early, so I ran home for 15 minutes before picking her up and got several small tasks done.

Prayer is sustaining me right now. It is so hard, but it's getting me through. My baby is happy, healthy, and safe, and for now, that is enough.

My First Mothers' Day

Today was my first Mothers' Day!

Appropriately, last night we had our first "date night" in months, unintentionally. We'd been invited to a wedding for one of Craig's co-workers. We initially considered it just a thing to do out of politeness, but it ended up giving us some really nice together-time. The reception was exceptional with the live jazz band playing Big Band music, a delicious dinner, and fabulous desserts--Craig and I sat alone at our table after our table-mates hit the dance floor, downing the beautiful chocolate-dipped fruits and just talking and laughing. Spending quality time together that we hadn't spent in a very long time. It was a wonderful pre-Mothers' Day treat I hadn't even expected.

And where was our dear daughter during our evening? She was home with Megan, our wonderful sitter who had helped me out in a pinch when E. was 5 weeks old and Craig had to go out of town for work. I'm so grateful I easily found a babysitter I trust just by asking my good friend for a reference. So I wasn't nervous about Megan coming, just nervous about the first bedtime babysitter. But, God helped me relax enough to completely enjoy my evening without worry about my daughter; I wasn't going to call but broke down at about 9 PM to see how things were going. And everything went perfectly--bottles, bedtime, and all.

We hadn't planned to do anything for Mothers' Day. Craig and I had earlier discussed that we wouldn't get each other gifts for Mothers' or Fathers' Day, just wait until E. was a little older to pick things out herself. And Craig and I have never been big card givers for each other on events, either. So, was I surprised when Craig entered the bedroom where I was making the bed, carrying our daughter who, in turn, was carrying an envelope in her own little fist! (She just started grasping things!) He told me she had something for me. I opened the envelope to find a Mothers' Day card--signed with a tiny, Elizabeth-sized purple handprint. I burst into tears. I couldn't imagine a better gift for my first Mothers' Day. My husband came up with the most thoughtful, sweet, quiet-without-fanfare gift from our baby.

And that's how the rest of the day was--quiet, simple, just us as a family. We all (dog too) took a walk, then later shared a nice dinner and just hung out in the family room the rest of the evening, playing with our baby.

I could not have asked for a better first Mothers' Day!

So how are we doing?

Hello! We are all about three weeks into the newest version of our new life--e.g., life with a baby AND two full-time working parents.

Overall, things are going so much better than I ever could have hoped. For me, going to work is great. I feel more like myself than I have since before I gave birth. Even though Elizabeth and I kept very active while on maternity leave, I'm a person that needs a pretty high level of activity to stay energized and positive.

Day care continues to go beautifully. I feel so blessed to take my daughter to a place Craig and I both feel very comfortable with. I love dropping her off at Roz' house on these fresh spring mornings, talking to Roz about how Elizabeth was the night before, seeing the older kids stream out of the living room exclaiming "Elizabeth!" or telling me that they have new shoes or ate pizza or went to the potty. Even more I love pulling up in the driveway in the afternoon, with the little day care family gathered on the front porch, Elizabeth and Thomas (her day care buddy who was born 2 days after she was) dozing in their carseats while Roz tells me about her day. Day care has become an extension of community, an extension of family.

The most challenging part about this whole new routine is managing my own time. Elizabeth and I come home and I spend as much one-on-one time with her as possible, sitting and "chatting" with each other or playing together on the floor. I've managed to get dinner on the table about two nights so far. After she gets to bed around 9:00, I spend the rest of the evening washing bottles, fixing bottles for the next day, and making our lunches. Then I inevitably stay up at least an hour past what I intended (like right now!) so I can squeeze in a blog post, a quick exercise (okay, that's hardly every happened), a small chore like folding a basket of laundry.

It's a whirlwind, and often a struggle. There are times when I wonder if I will ever have hobbies again. I feel like the only thing I've been accomplishing is getting the laundry done each week and keeping us fed. It's spring now, and my flower beds are longing to be perked up with annuals that have yet to be bought. The most elaborate meal I've made so far has been ready-made barbecue chicken sandwiches with a side of pickles and strawberries. And all around me, closets are disorganized and mail and paperwork piles up in the study.

And slowly, I'm learning that this is all okay.

A quarter of a year old!

Hi everyone! Elizabeth here. I am 3 months old today, or as Mommy says with utter disbelief, a quarter of a year old!

The world has becoming SO interesting to me over the last days and weeks. Here are some of my favorite things:
Chomping on my hands. I can get almost my whole fist in my mouth, and sometimes both. This will make a great party trick someday.
Drooling and blowing spit bubbles. Mommy thinks the drool and the hands in my mouth mean teeth are on the way!
Patterns and shapes! I love to stare at: the books on the bookshelf, a spiral-ly snail hanging from my bouncy seat, boxes sitting in the closet, the pine trees in the backyard against the sky.
My favorite toy, in the picture. I can stare at that sun for minutes on end!
Talking to Mommy and Daddy. I think it's pretty hilarious when they imitate me.
Riding in the stroller.
Taking a bath--finally! I don't quite smile and laugh when I'm in the tub, but I'm quiet and content!
Watching people!!! Roz, the lady who takes care at me while Mommy is at work, says I'm nosy! I don't want to miss a thing! So I often am wide awake during the day instead of napping. Daddy says he was like that as a child, too. Mommy really hopes that's one of the only ways I'm like Daddy as a child, based on the stories she's heard!

Things I'm not crazy about:
Sleeping in my crib. I've done it several times but usually I sleep in my swing. Mommy and Daddy are working on this!
Tummy time. I hate it! Mommy and Daddy think it's because I can no longer see the world.

Today I got my 3 month pictures taken, and I only made it through 2 poses before I decided I'd had enough of that!

I've had quite an eventful life so far! I've already been to my first wedding reception. I was an angel, they say! I've made some baby friends already. Mommy and Daddy are lucky that some of their friends had babies within weeks of me. I've even met twins!

Let's see what tricks I have up my sleeve for the next month! Mommy is just praying I keep sleeping 8 hours a night without waking up--tonight is the seventh night running!

And so it begins

Whew...I'm beat!

It's been a whirlwind of a few days. On Friday we made our big, long-anticipated transition to work and daycare. I'm a generally anxious person on a regular basis, so naturally I started worrying about this day when Elizabeth was about two weeks old. The combination of my own long mental preparation and lots of prayer had me totally relaxed about the transition by the time it came around. When Friday morning rolled around, I felt like a kid on the first day of school--sad about the weeks-long experience I was leaving behind me, but excited about opening a new chapter. And I still felt good dropping her off, saying goodbye to her, passing off her cooler full of bottles. I didn't cry. I felt good driving down the damp, early morning spring streets and listening to the radio, and physically I felt the most put-together and attractive than I had since before giving birth!

And the day itself was just fine. I love my job--the utter busyness of handling multiple projects at once, moving with the energy of a school, gathering data to solve problems. I write at the end of Day 3, and I can safely say it feels good to be there. Even schlepping down to the library 4 times a day to provide food for my daughter is going fine (there is a wonderfully private, secret room deep within the library with a picture of a cow on the door--clearly it's been used for my same purpose for many other moms!).

Day care seems to be going really well. I'm not a logical person--emotions usually drive me--but logic is what I'm depending on to get me through the work days: I know Elizabeth is not going to experience lifelong trauma because she's in daycare. I know she is in a safe place I trust where her needs will be attended to. I know I will get a phone call if something is wrong. I know she is young enough to not miss me. I'm pleased with the intimate, family-like atmosphere of the system, run by a woman who has been doing it for 26 years out of her home, and attended by about 7 children. I already love pulling up in the driveway and seeing the older kids playing on the lawn while Roz and Lori watch over Elizabeth and Thomas (they are two days apart) in their infant seats. It feels comfortable and right to me. I pray the next eight weeks go as smoothly as the first three days!

Thrown right in the middle of the big transition was Elizabeth's baptism, on Sunday April 18. It was such a blessed day. Elizabeth wore the beautiful gown my Aunt Doris made at least 30 years ago, that was worn by me, my sister, my cousins, my Aunt Doris' grandkids...I was beyond thrilled that my daughter carried on the tradition. The baptism itself moved me more deeply than I'd thought it would...I've seen so many during routine Sunday services over the course of my life, but watching my daughter be touched on her forehead with the sign of the cross reminded me of the charge Craig and I have: to teach our daughter about the love of Christ, to fear and obey the Lord. Her spiritual journey begins with us.

It took me a few days to complete this entry. It's now Thursday night and tomorrow we officially wrap up our first week of the new routine. I'm quickly becoming used to the succession of picking up the girl from daycare, playing with her, feeding her, squeezing dinner in there somewhere, making sure the bottles are washed for the next day...and somewhere in there finding time for ME, which unfortunately has become too late at night so that I can have a few minutes of relaxation with TV, blogging, Facebook, etc., once she has gone to bed, no matter how exhausted I am.

We made it through one week. We can do this!

The final countdown

Cue the music...it's the Final Countdown! For my return to work, that is.

I return full-time starting this Friday, putting a few hours in tomorrow to catch up with my sub (which works out well; I'm glad Elizabeth will get a "trial run" at day care before her first full day). To say my feelings are mixed would be an understatement. On the one hand, I'm (guiltily) in a way looking forward to my return. I have grown to love my job and everything it entails, and really miss my co-workers. I function best under structure and routine; while I have become increasingly more efficient with my time as a stay-at-home-mom (I only stayed in my pj's the first week of her life, thank you very much!), I have a feeling that a stricter schedule will help me even more.

And of course, there are the sad feelings. I can't even begin to describe the bond I've established with this little person. The thought of sending her somewhere and spending her day with someone else makes my heart hurt, but I rest easy in the notion that she is going somewhere I trust, and that she is little enough right now that her own transition should be fairly easy.

There are a lot of "unknowns" about returning to the workplace. I'm nervous about finding time to pump regularly throughout the day (and, on the occasional day that I must be at a few different buildings, in the car!). I'm nervous about what I will do if something happens to Elizabeth and I need to go get her. I'm nervous about balancing work with home.

But most of all, I wonder what I will feel like. I will be a totally different person walking into my buildings than the woman who left in mid-January. I was a big-bellied mom-to-be, brimming with anticipation, excitement, and fear for the unknown. I didn't even have a name picked out!

But when I go back in, I will be a mom, a mom to a tiny little 9-pound darling who already has a personality that I KNOW. As I slide back into my routine--sitting in meetings, conducting assessments, observing in classrooms, lunching with colleagues--I will be totally different. I will still be a school psychologist, but I will never be the same school psychologist I was.

So here we go. "Do-do-dooo-do..."

Writing contest!

My first ten weeks with my daughter have slowed me down and helped me think more deliberately and intentionally about my life and how I spend my time. Starting this blog is not the only way I have decided to get back on the writing wagon. A new subscriber to Writer's Disgest, I discovered their "Dear Lucky Agent" contest, a recurring online writing contest with a different theme each installment.

The latest contest calls for adolescent fiction. My intended audience as a writer is this population. I work with elementary and middle schoolers, and my goal is to reach the hopes, dreams, and struggles unique to their age group with my stories.

Check out their link: http://networkedblogs.com/1Th5v.

Elizabeth sleeps...it's exciting to focus my mind on something other than diapers, feeding, and "Who's a pretty baby??" for a while!

The decision-making dance

I am not good at making split-second decisions, and trusting myself to them. This quirk of mine was a hindrance to my first couple years as a school psychologist; in my job I must make decisions at all times, often on the spur of the moment, and be confident in them. Wishy-washiness does not a good school psychologist make. I have had to consciously force myself to trust more in my own decisions on the job.

I am quickly learning that parenting is a series of decisions, all the time. The biggest challenge we have faced so far is Elizabeth's sleeping. She is actually a good sleeper, once she gets there--her first 6+ hour slumber occurred when she was only 5 weeks old. When we first moved her to her crib in her bedroom at 3 weeks old, several blissful days passed of an easy-to-put-down baby: I would nurse her in the rocking chair and she would already be asleep by the time I placed her in the crib. She was just as easy to put back to sleep after a night feeding.

At 6 weeks, Elizabeth's personality exploded in so many ways, as I documented earlier in this blog. All of a sudden she was not a like a sleeping rag doll, but a person discovering the world! I have read that, at around 6 weeks, infants become suddenly more aware of their environment and, as a trade off, often become more difficult to put to sleep because they do not want to miss out on anything! Elizabeth has been a textbook example of this! Her first difficult night, at 6 weeks old, was characterized by fussiness (not to the extreme of colic, I don't think, but pretty testy) that made her difficult to put to sleep. The fussiness often lasted until 10 or 11 PM (previously I was putting her down around 9 with no problems), and Craig and I out of desperation moved her swing into her bedroom and put her down there, allowing the swaying and the attached white noise/music machine to calm her down. At the same time she had her first cold and was congested, so we allowed her several consecutive nights of swing-sleep to keep her elevated and breathe easier.

Cut to 10 weeks old. On more nights than not, Elizabeth becomes fussy around 7 PM and is on/off that way until we try to put her to bed. Nursing always comforts her, but I don't want her to see me as a giant pacifier, so I try to limit it! Long story short, most nights between 6 and 10 weeks old Elizabeth was put to sleep in her swing because we were plain exhausted by 11 PM, and placing her in her crib just wasn't cutting it.

I knew what we were doing was potentially creating a bad habit. The pediatrician told me as much at Elizabeth's 2 month check up. I was also told, at that appointment, that I should let her "cry it out" for 10 to 15 minutes in her crib before going to her, so that she can learn to put herself to sleep. The idea of this made me pretty uncomfortable!

My parents visited last week and maybe that made me a bit more confident. On the two nights of their visit, I put Elizabeth in her crib. As usual, she had fallen asleep nursing in the rocking chair, and the second her little head hit the mattress her eyes opened. I ran out of the room and sure enough, the wailing started. My mom assured me, as I sat in misery in the family room with the baby monitor lighting up behind me, that Elizabeth was fed, changed, and burped, so most likely her cry was simply "Get me--I'm bored!" And just like that, after about 10 minutes, it was like a switch turned off. We were able to accomplish the same thing a few nights later after my parents had gone.

But last night it was a struggle. Elizabeth fell asleep nursing in the rocker and I put her in the crib. She awoke, but I raced out of the room and managed to get most of the laundry put away in my bedroom before the wailing started. I went to her after 10 minutes, rocked her in my arms, and put her down. Repeat. The wails increased. I rocked her again and put her down. The wails returned, becoming screams.

Exhausted, I put her in the trusty swing, hating myself in the meantime. In my job, we stress to students' parents the importance of consistency, in everything from homework routines to getting anxious children to return to school. Children need consistency and a level of predictability in order to thrive. I put myself to bed last night feeling like a failure, for giving in simply because I was too tired to work at it anymore. What other battles would I give in to, in the future?

But tonight, I sit here in a quiet house with my daughter sleeping--in her crib. Somehow, tonight it worked. I'm quickly learning that my love of all things predictable and routine must go out the window with an infant--she is neither, and probably won't be for a while, and never totally so! I'm also learning that parenting is a decision-making dance. It's a dance because it's a constant back and forth guessing game--taking one step forward and five steps back. With this sleeping issue, for example, I have lately been immersing myself in books by a variety of doctors about "how to" teach infants to sleep. The contradictions among these professionals is frustrating. Can't there be "one" way? Couldn't I have given birth to a baby who came with her own instruction manual?

Yes, I hate making decisions because I fear what will happen if I make the "wrong" one. But that's the risk we take when we do anything unfamiliar. Will the several nights Elizabeth slept in her swing turn her into an overly dependent child? Probably not. But it's a balancing act that we must be constantly vigilant about. And for now I will just sit here as my daughter sleeps peacefully in her crib, and learn that I need to trust myself, because the dance of decision-making has barely begun!

2 months old!

Hello from the 2-month-old, Elizabeth Audrey! I can't believe I'm so old already. It feels like I've been around forever!

Here are my favorite things to do these days:
Blow spit bubbles
Stick out my tongue--this just started this week!
Lie on the changing table attached to my Pack and Play in the family room. Mommy has no idea why I like this spot, because according to her it's boring--all I can see is the white ceiling. She'll never know, will she? I love to lie here and scootch up and down on my back, moving my arms and legs.
Talking! Mommy and I have some nice conversations.
Mirrors--on most days Mommy and I visit the "baby in the mirror" in the hallway, and sometimes Mommy puts a little mirror in front of my face. Who is that adorable creature I see?
Taking rides in the car and the stroller--they both put me out like a light!
My daddy! He is my absolute favorite cuddle spot! I don't cuddle with Mommy as much because I get impatient and smell her and want the goods.
Bath--well, I think so. I'm still debating this one.
Eating--just like when I was one month old, but I take much shorter feedings now!

Fortunately my list of things I don't like is a lot shorter. Here they are:
Going to bed! Until I was 6 weeks old all it took was some rocking and nursing in my bedroom and then Mommy could easily put me in my crib. Not so much anymore! At 6 weeks I decided to play a trick on Mommy and Daddy and become very, very difficult to put to sleep at night. I think Mommy is realizing I might need more naps during the day. Or maybe it's because I don't want to miss anything at night, because everyone is finally home. Daddy thinks it's funny because he hated to go to sleep as a kid, and still does. Mommy doesn't think it's so funny because she needs to get up with me in the middle of the night no matter what, and most nights she thinks she'd really like to go to bed by 9:30! Ha ha, that usually doesn't happen.

I get to see my Grandma Phillips and my cousins on Thursday! I can't wait! Then my Grandma and Grandpa Schneider are visiting next week. I'm so popular! Mommy tells me that people come up to me all the time and squeal all over me, but usually I'm asleep.

Oh, another thing I THINK I like is this big piece of material Mommy wraps around both of us at night. I get to see things from a different vantage point now, like Mommy doing the dishes. I'm still stirring a lot right now and Mommy is HOPING I will drop off any minute now...

Catching up from lots of activity!

My baby will be 2 months old next week! I can't believe it. It's amazing how we don't notice how much things change until we step back in time. For example, when I take a peek at pictures from a few weeks ago, or (this just killed me) videos taken the first days of Elizabeth's life. And then I talk on the phone with my parents (who just saw her a month ago...okay, I guess a month is a significantly long time in a baby's life, but really, it feels like yesterday), who comment on how different she looks in the pictures I send them.

Time flies so quickly and I am just not good at keeping up with this blog. We have been keeping steadily busy. I hope I am not overdoing it in our activity!

At four weeks old Elizabeth spent three days in Naperville, my hometown. My parents and sister came up to visit us for a weekend and then brought me and Elizabeth back with them for a few days. At that point, I was more relaxed than I had been since she was born--it was a relief to be surrounded by three reliable (and very eager!) babysitters who were more than happy to take my little baby off my hands every now and then. Elizabeth also got to meet her Great-Grandma (my dear Grandma Osterland, and part of her namesake--my Grandma's name is Gertrude Audrey) for the first time, as well as my friend Susan's little boy Jack, who is nine months old.

Soon after our visit to Naperville, I was a single mom for nearly a solid week! Craig went up north on a snowmobiling trip with his friend Tom for a weekend. I was pretty anxious about facing two nights alone with Elizabeth, but fortunately the sleep routine went beautifully. (During this particular week she was exhibiting great "putting to bed" behavior--I could nurse and rock her and get her down by 9:30, 10 at the latest.) It was during this weekend that we made our first venture to the mall. I wrangled the stroller successfully for the first time, and realized I really hate taking the elevator!

Craig was then back home but needed to work late for a couple nights, and then had to go out of town for work for two more nights. Because of this, we had our first babysitter experience. I had been enrolled in a 5-series workshop for work, and needed to attend all of them in order to obtain my continuing ed credits; the plan had been for Craig to watch Elizabeth during that 3-hour afternoon session (and I was, frankly, looking forward for weeks to get out of the house and see my colleagues again!). With he was suddenly asked to go to Peoria, Illinois, I needed to problem solve! My girlfriend Jessica, who has an 18-month-old son, has always sung the praises of her babysitter Megan (a woman my age)...so, even though I was riddled with guilt for getting a babysitter for my 5-week-old, I decided I trusted my friend's reference and took the plunge. It went beautifully. Elizabeth slept through the whole event, and easily took a bottle for Megan. And I found a trusted babysitter I would readily call again...and I must admit it felt pretty liberating when I drove away from the house without my baby in the car. (But I could not wait to get back home, either!)

I was so relieved to have Craig back. Being a stay at home mom has been challenging in its loneliness. Before Elizabeth arrived, I didn't think I'd struggle this much with staying home; as a school employee I am used to having summers off, so I figured it would be like that. It's hard to describe, but it's a totally different experience, and sometimes the loneliness just ensconced me.

Craig got home just in time, because once Elizabeth turned 6 weeks old the next week, she changed! She quickly showed a trend of becoming fussy in the evenings, often beginning at 7:00 like clockwork. This fussiness often persisted until about 10 or 11 PM when she would finally go down. (As of this writing we are still experimenting with this. I am going to try "wearing" her more during the day in a sling to keep her calmer, and provide her with more structured naptimes--I think she gets overly tired at night.) I am trying not to get too stressed by this, and just take it as a phase...

Otherwise, we have been on the go a lot over the last few weeks. We have attended two baby music classes at our public library. It's kind of comical since she is by far the youngest baby there (all of the others are at least 6 months old, and interactive and mobile) and does not get anything out of the sessions, but I see it as good stimulation and a much-needed opportunity for me to get out of the house and be with adults! We have also made a few lunch dates with my friends and co-workers, including a teacher with whom I work who has a baby, Aaron, two days older than
Elizabeth. Sarah and I commisserated frequently during our pregnancies at work, and I hope we can get to know each other even better as we are beginning this parenting journey at the exact same time.

So...little by little, we are mapping out this journey. It is ever-unpredictable and I, who am often married to routine and predictability, have had to forcibly relax and take things as they come. Raising this baby has helped me to slow down and think more deliberately and carefully about most things. The latest emotion I am experiencing is the confusion about returning to work in a month. It is an indescribable mixture of dread and eager anticipation. I love my job and am anxious to interact with adults and think critically again. On the other hand, how can I leave this precious baby, who is becoming more interactive by the day? This is a daily matter of prayer, and I trust that God will carry me through this transition. My litmus test? I gave birth and brought a child into my life, disrupting it in the biggest imaginable way. If I survived that transition...I can certainly survive that one.

"Babies don't keep"

There is a poem that I, as a baby, had on a framed crewel-work. The poem ends, "So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep, I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

I admit that I am pretty OCD regarding housework. No, my house is not a spotless, everything-in-its-place museum like Bree's from Desperate Housewives (not even close!!), but ever since I had a home of my own I've always constantly been preoccupied by what needs to get done--whether it's vacuuming, cleaning out a closet, going through bank statements, etc.

I have had to very consciously "let this go" as I have brought a baby into my world. On the one hand, I may be able to get more done than some moms, because Elizabeth is a great napper; I use this time to catch up on chores. Sometimes, though, I will be sitting on the couch nursing her, and I see the stack of papers on the table...the basket of laundry that has been waiting to be folded for two days...the dog hair on the rug...

I remind myself of the last line of that poem. "Babies don't keep." Elizabeth and I just took our first trip to Naperville to spend a few days at Grandma and Grandpa Schneider's house. When we returned, Craig commented on how much he thought she had changed in just 3 days. He noted that she seemed more alert, seemed to "notice" him when he held her and talked to her, and had better head and neck control. Last night, as he held her, he mentioned that she seemed heavier.

The changes babies go through are so amazingly subtle, and happen so quickly. Elizabeth still fits into all of her "newborn" sized outfits (except for the couple footed-sleepers that her long legs are just a bit TOO long for!), but she is growing and changing by the second...and I remember this as I look around my house and tell myself (because it doesn't come naturally at all!): "Let the housework go!!!" Even sitting down to write this blog...she is napping right now, and though two baskets of laundry are calling my name, not to mention addressing all of her birth announcements, I knew I needed to focus on this, documenting my daughter's journey. It is HARD to make myself do this, but looking at that beautiful little face that fills out more and more each day forces me!

3 Weeks Old

Hi everyone! I'm Elizabeth and I am 3 weeks old. As I get used to this life, here are some things I have discovered that I like and don't like:

Things I like:
EATING--I spend most of my waking hours doing this!
Snuggling with Mom or Dad
Swinging in my swing
Lying on my playmat and looking up at the toys
Listening to music, on my swing or Mom singing (well, Mom thinks I like hearing her sing!)
Riding in the car--conks me out every time!
Tummy time--at least I think I like this! I am able to move my head from one side to the other and hold it up for a few seconds.

Things I don't like:
Being naked--in any form, such as diaper changes, outfit changes, and especially the bath. Mom and Dad hope I still dislike being naked many years from now! ;)
Taking my vitamin drops--not sure about that taste!

Hmm, Mom and Dad are lucky, because I can't think of any more things I don't like! I'm still undecided about the dog. Right now he pretty much leaves me alone, and I hope that continues! Today he got VERY jealous of Mom while she was playing with me on my playmat. Nico laid next to me, and then went over to Mom and laid down in her lap, which Mom says he has NEVER done. He already lies on my blankets (when I'm not around, thank goodness!), which Mom does not like!

Ch-ch-changes...already!

Yesterday marked the long-awaited departure of Elizabeth's umbilical cord stump (leaving a very adorable belly button, if I do say so myself!), so today we decided to do "tummy time" for the first time. I spread a big blanket out on the floor and put her on her tummy, figuring she'd hate it and wail.

Elizabeth fooled me, however, by loving it! (Well, I guess I can't really tell if she *loved* it, but she didn't wail!) She crunched up her little body and knew to rest her head on the side. She moved those little arms and legs back and forth, trying to figure out how to do it from that position, making her little grunts of concentration. She then turned her head to rest on the other side, and then held her head up for a couple seconds at a time!

It's incredible how much (very subtly) she is changing already. She seems just a little more alert and interactive each day. I just can't wait until she can smile and laugh and interact with us, but I must not wish away the precious moments we have right now. We're getting used to having this little peanut living in our house, and we can't wait to find out what more surprises she has in store!